Archive for October, 2012
The Hard Work of Listening and Listening Skills
“Marian, very interesting and quite varied. All comments proving that you get nothing for nothing.” Iain Duffin
Iain Duffin is one of the executives interviewed for the personal development journey study (results posted September 26-October 17). His comment brought to mind the notion that listening requires effort, but often people assume it’s natural and easy. As most writers and researchers say, hearing is not the same as listening. Hearing is an anatomical function for most people while listening is a conscious skill.
I’m a frequent traveler and marvel at the cost to airlines of agents who mouth words, but don’t listen. For example, the other day two flyers had an international connection problem that the agent probably heard thousands of times. The young couple was flying to the middle east for some family emergency, she quite pregnant, wearing a burka, and not a native English speaker, needed the agent to be helpful and confident. Instead the agent apologized, said there was no way they could get to their destination within 24 hours of their scheduled arrival and suggested they rebook. The couple stood their paralyzed. Finally the woman requested that the agent look at other airlines. The agent said she couldn’t do that unless it was an emergency. Now I, standing next to the couple, knew that was the case, but the agent wasn’t paying attention from the start and went into automatic pilot mode. The whole transaction took much longer and was much less customer-friendly than was necessary had the agent been listening.
I imagine if I asked the agent why she didn’t pick up on the couple’s situation, she would have put the blame on overwork, or some other airline fault. It’s not unusual for employees to tell me their organization is short staffed. During this economic recovery that’s probably true in many cases. But sometimes the real issue is inefficiency that comes from acting before understanding. If they added staff, more people not listening wouldn’t solve their perceived problems. We’ve seen many examples of fewer skilled people accomplishing much more than many who haven’t been trained.
When we’ve worked with organizations to increase listening, and employees practice flexible and focused listening, there’s more efficiency because fewer things fall through the cracks. Rather than glossing over what senders are saying, our listeners:
- Ask enough questions to be absolutely clear about the issues and expectations
- Loop back to the original points made by the sender to check for accuracy
- Use different listening strategies depending on the style of the sender
- Over-communicate to heighten importance of the message(s)
- Be congruent with message, body language and tone-of-voice
To master all those listening skills, as Iain says, means putting in effort—every time and for every person.
The Art of Listening Skills in Chinese Calligraphy
The Chinese symbol for the verb “to listen” illustrates both the science and art of listening.
The Chinese Character “To Listen”
This striking calligraphy is made up of smaller symbols with specific meanings. The entire left side represents the EAR, focusing on our primary organ used in listening. The right side begins with YOU, the individual, indicating that the focus is on the other person, not on yourself. Underneath YOU are EYES and UNDIVIDED ATTENTION. Good listeners use their eyes to pay close attention to the speaker, giving well-deserved undivided attention. The base of the symbol is the HEART, which opens up our listening on the emotional level.
Listening is all encompassing, and only when we embrace that can we be regarded as an exceptional listener.
(Thanks to robinthomas.biz and the U.S. Dept. of State, http://www.state.gov/m/a/os/65759.htm#.UHYfyS6uizI , for the graphic and translation.)
Listening Skills and Executive Personal Development, Addendum
There were some lovely gems from the cadre of leaders that are worthwhile to share. The responses didn’t fit into any of the three questions asked, but they add insight from the people who took a few minutes to be with us.
Before we get to those gems, following are some answers to queries about the group’s average age, gender, geography, kind of jobs, how I know these folks.
- While I don’t know everyone’s age, I’d say the range is early 40’s to mid 60’s and the average somewhere in the 50’s.
- Seven males and four females.
- European and North American by current location, although most of the group has worked or resided in every continent (well, not sure about Antarctica) during the span of their career.
- Their current job titles are listed with their names, but I’d venture to say there’s hardly an organizational job that hasn’t been held within the group.
- I know each person well enough through coaching, collaboration or referrals, to be confident that these are the right leaders to interview about personal development.
The gems:
- Oh, and I like myself better too.
- The more I work on myself the more positive the atmosphere around me.
- I went on a retreat, no phones, computers, music—you get it, no technology. I nearly bailed, but I’m so glad I stuck it out. For the first time in my adult life I looked inward, didn’t necessarily like the future I saw, and resolved to be a much more compassionate person and conscious, caring leader.
- Listening to other’s views whether they are colleagues, customers or family members is often missed.
- This work opens up new doors—everywhere.
- When I retired (the first time), I heard over and over, “You are the best boss I ever had.” I know that’s true because when I moved from job-to-job some people came with me and others asked if they could.
- My job security comes from the success of others.
- Every time I’m in a new role I have to do more to adjust my style to others than to expect them to adjust to me.
- My son, just one year out of college, is in a management program and they’re starting him on this journey. He’s so fortunate.
- I never thought that awakening could happen in the workplace—it has.
- For twenty-five years I’d say I was committed to the job. I still am, but this year, 2012, the focus is on me.
- Everyone should live and work in another country some time in their careers. I can’t even begin to tell you all the things I learned, but a big one is that my job was to translate centralized organizational decisions to the local customs. Some goals from corporate cannot/should not be applied locally. Try to sell that upstream—that takes skilled leadership!
- Don’t turn away from the gifts that are presented to you.
Listening Skills and Executive Personal Development, Part 3 of 3
The three questions posed to eleven executives who I know to be high-functioning, well-regarded, and thoughtful leaders:
- What prompted you to engage in a personal development journey?
- What did you learn about yourself?
- How has your personal development journey impacted your work?
During the interviews, I noticed that the respondents gave more complex answers to the third question. I’m not sure if it was because they were on a roll thinking and talking about personal development, or if it required more reflection in order to answer. Personally, I found it more challenging to slot the responses into categories, and I’m not so sure that the categories are what you, the reader, might have created. What’s most important is that we “listen” and relate their words to how we might answer the same question.
A great quote from one of the participants:
Diplomatic. I now say things like, “What might we do?” rather than “Here’s what we’ll do.” I guess those subtle changes have a big impact because I notice that people come to me with better and better ideas and questions. And the quality of work is steadily improving.
Question #3: How has your personal development journey impacted your work?
Building Relationships
- I started with good knowledge, and I was promoted because of it and my ability to develop others. With a lean organization, every person has to work at 100% of capacity.
- I believe I am much more tolerant of other people’s process of learning and am aware that others usually are not like me. I used to feel betrayed when people didn’t do tasks the way I would have or even wanted.
- One must recognize in others all that we see in ourselves, and visa versa.
- Level of comfort with me and me with others is better.
- I’m more of a mentor or coach than I was before I went on this journey.
Developing Skills
- Everything I learn I put in my tool kit.
- It’s influenced my messaging—not as abstract and more human-to-human.
- Working with you, my coach, was a turning point. I’m always aware of balancing advocacy with more inquiry. I guess I’m more conscious of what I’m doing.
- I began to ask the right questions to understand if the question posed to me was right in the first place.
- I absolutely changed from being a micro-manager to being a guide. Performance soared.
- Re-emphasis on goal setting—it’s the foundation for focus.
- Moved from telling to selling—my influencing skills are used to motivate others.
- Whew, it was hard to receive straightforward feedback, so in the past I lobbed it like a hand grenade. I thought people were out to get me. Now I know how to provide feedback in a positive manner—so many employees thank me for my honesty and care. Pretty much we’ve learned to talk about how to be at our best.
Changing Culture
- Building teams, developing others, and constantly seeking out experiences…became my motivation. Why? Because it worked.
- There’s a more human aspect that I bring to work in a very rational organization.
- Always had good thinking with people, now I have both good thinking and good feeling.
- When something goes awry, instead of acting shocked or angry, I see it as a point of perturbation and try to understand what might be the cause of the setback, not “who screwed up?”
Unexpected consequences
- Developed an appetite for learning and I always want more, often learning from what others do wrong is just as valuable.
- It’s given me an advantage over peers.
- Conceptual models help me understand–they are like a flashlight in the path of darkness.
- When you asked this, I thought first about skills, but really my personal development is to bring passion back to me and to my workplace. I love the work I do.
- I look back to my footprints to see where I’m going.
- I’m more than just a head going from meeting-to-meeting.
- I’m much more empathetic, less de-sensitized, and not nearly as exhausted.
- It’s so natural to go back to “obnoxious” tendencies, so my own development is to be aware and constantly modify behaviors.
Following are the names and titles of the executives who shared their insights:
- David Carder, VP, Executive Consultant, The Forum Corporation
- Ralph Chauvin, Vice President of Sales, North America, Perfetti van Melle USA
- Iain Duffin, Chairman Origo Service Group Edinburgh, Non Executive Director of the Scottish Leather Group, Director of IDD Associates Ltd.
- Carol Ryan Ertz, AVP, Enterprise Leadership Development, Unum Corporation
- Ron Griffiths, CEO Network Green Deal Ltd and RG Direct Associates Ltd.
- Larry Hart, Chair, Vistage International
- Jim Mikula, Managing Director, Hotel Madeline and Inn at Lost Creek, Telluride
- Susan Moseley, VP Member Service Corporation, NFIB
- Vivien Price, VP Solutions Design, The Forum Corporation
- Helaine Suval, President and Founder, Suval Consultants
- Frank van Dijk, Regional Marketing Leader, GE Oil & Gas
Listening Skills and Executive Personal Development, Part 2 of 3
In the first of this three-part post, eleven senior leaders responded to the query: What prompted you to engage in a personal development journey? Following are their responses to the second question:
What did you learn about yourself?
Knowing what leadership is
- Being a good leader is one thing, being a very good leader is another and a real challenge. A great deal of guidance and learning is in finding out about oneself. How we interact with others, how we motivate, how we demotivate others. Getting the very best out of others in not an easy task.
- You can’t teach someone to have an innate sense about how to build the business.
- I’m constantly reminded that I must be a good role model and it’s not always easy to walk the talk.
- Roles change. I’m no longer a full time parent, so I have to change some practices that will take me and my kids to a new level of relationship. Same for work—there’s always new levels of challenges facing you.
- I worked in Ireland when it was a war zone and I had to learn to deal with the political scene as well as learn how to be a manager and not just rely on my native skills.
- The more difficult the circumstances are, the faster you have to turn the situation around or it festers until it’s too hot to handle.
- Sometimes sales people ask a question they want answered, and are befuddled when they don’t get it. That’s their job, mine is to see the questions before they arise.
- Know the business from the nuts and bolts—ground up, not at 40,000 feet view.
- I like what Kevin Share, ex-CEO of Amgen said
Be self-aware ~ Focus on a few challenges ~ Find a mentor/coach
Building relationships
- Success depends on others.
- Everything that I do is about relationships with others, so now I search for anything that gives me insight.
Letting go
- I came to grasp that I wasn’t the only one with great ideas, but I knew enough details to evaluate the ideas—that turns out to be one of my most valuable assets, but I had to let go of a lot to get there.
- Until recently I thought knowledge was wisdom and my emotional side had to be locked up. I became aware that allowing my emotional side to awaken would make me a more effective leader.
- The changes I want in myself and in the organization are not happening quickly enough and sometimes I have to stifle my tendencies to force the process along.
Developing skills
- Multi-tasking is a trap.
- I have to always be conscious of what I’m doing.
- First it’s awareness, then I need to think about it, and finally address it—whatever “it” is.
- I spend about six (6) hours a day on calls with no opportunity to read body language and no face-to-face interactions; thus, I’ve learned how important it is to understand biases and to listen more fully.
- I can be flexible, but I need advance notice—now I verbalize expectations and ask others to do that as well.
- When things went wrong I wasn’t using more questions than answers. I developed a Little xxxx (mini-me) in my head who said, “You’re not asking enough questions, and the right ones.”
- A coach helps fill in the blanks to get there faster.
- I went from telling to selling, and selling to inquiring—what a difference that made in my leadership.
Following are the names and titles of the executives who shared their insights:
- David Carder, VP, Executive Consultant, The Forum Corporation
- Ralph Chauvin, Vice President of Sales, North America, Perfetti van Melle USA
- Iain Duffin, Chairman Origo Service Group Edinburgh, Non Executive Director of the Scottish Leather Group, Director of IDD Associates Ltd.
- Carol Ryan Ertz, AVP, Enterprise Leadership Development, Unum Corporation
- Ron Griffiths, CEO Network Green Deal Ltd and RG Direct Associates Ltd.
- Larry Hart, Chair, Vistage International
- Jim Mikula, Managing Director, Hotel Madeline and Inn at Lost Creek, Telluride
- Susan Moseley, VP Member Service Corporation, NFIB
- Vivien Price, VP Solutions Design, The Forum Corporation
- Helaine Suval, President and Founder, Suval Consultants
- Frank van Dijk, Regional Marketing Leader, GE Oil & Gas