Archive for December, 2012
“Listening Impact Reflections on 2012″
The end of the year often brings with it a request for our thoughts about the year that is waning, and predictions for what’s on the horizon.
This blog is about Listening, and that’s what I choose to reflect on and share with you:
- There’s more and more awareness that listening is a learned skill and art.
- Technology is not the enemy of listening, but it is its challenger.
- The global nature of business expects people to speak and listen with a high degree of mutual understanding, regardless of language or location.
- Neuroscience is providing us with information about the brain that was unknown to us until recently.
- The catchword of listening is flexibility or agility—one size does not fit all and we have to learn how to adapt to the listening styles and needs of others.
- The term “Active Listening” is fortunately fading into the past from whence it came. There is no formula for good listening as suggested in that term.
- Context definitely influences the way we listen and what we listen to/for.
- Other strong influences—life experiences, education, language patterns, family dynamics, introversion/extraversion—in other words, everything.
I’m so delighted that people read the blog posts, that more people ask to be contributors, that more than 500 people have taken Hear! Hear? Your Listening Portfolio®, and that the conversation grows.
What are your Reflections on the state of Listening as well as thoughts about what we’ll see next?
Guest Post ~ “Beyond Steering: Are you Listening?”
It’s no surprise that engaged leaders are the linchpin to success of any change effort. What may be surprising is how often leaders miss the mark due to listening and communication gaps. In fact, a study by LeadershipIQ.com revealed that the number one reason CEOs are fired is due to mismanaging change. Specifically, findings showed “a failure on the CEO’s part to properly motivate employees and managers, and more specifically, to adequately sell the need to change course.”
True sponsorship goes well beyond participating at steering committees and funding approvals to include active, visible listening and leadership. What does this look like? It’s a series of micro decisions all day long to be accountable for change through listening and communicating. How do you know if you are doing it right? When your sponsor role becomes less about meetings and funding and more about conversations with people at all levels in your organization. You will know you hit the listening sweet spot when you begin to get really tough questions, from all levels in your organization.
These micro decisions add up quickly; either to engagement or missed opportunity. I encourage you to reflect on the following micro decisions:
- Do I make myself accessible to listen to my teams or is my calendar booked solid?
- Do I regularly ask my teams, key partners and stakeholders, “How can I support you?”
- Do I talk with key business leaders and stakeholders about how the change connects to strategy?
- Do I really take time to listen to stakeholders’ needs and concerns? Do I carve out time to then relay and discuss this information with my team on a timely basis?
- Do I take time to share my goals for the change and my personal expectations?
- Do I have a consistent message that I repeat often?
- Do I take time to use storytelling to inspire others?
When you stack these micro decisions to listen together, they become a series of decisions in a week, a month, a year. They are a force multiplier to successful change.
Take time to reflect on how you can raise your sponsorship game to the next level. Don’t think you have the time to commit to more listening and support? Perhaps the day you are too busy to listen is a day you are simply too busy.
Francie Van Wirkus is a motivational speaker, author of The Competitor in Me series, and coach. She also works with high-level leadership in the insurance and financial services industry on the most challenging issues facing success today. She can be contacted via her Web site link above.
Listening Skills Notes from the Field: A Physician Speaks Eloquently about Interpersonal Skills
I was visiting my wonderful brother in the hospital, and his longtime internist, Dr. Stephen Shore, came to visit. Now, if that wasn’t amazing in itself, we got into a conversation about interpersonal skills among health care professionals.
Dr. Shore is known for his incredible patient care, and had a lot to say about both the power and failings of interpersonal communication in the world of healthcare. Following are some of his salient points:
- Body positioning:
The doctor asked my brother’s nurse where she places herself when attending a patient. She said it depends upon what she’s in the room to do, but she tries to make eye contact when interacting. She said if she has news to convey or gather, she sits so she is on the same eye level as the patient. If she has to do any procedure or deal with equipment, she tells the patient what’s she’s doing so the patient knows what’s going on. I noticed that’s what she did when caring for my brother—she was attentive and professional.
Dr. Shore applauded that behavior and said it’s inexcusable to stand over a patient. “It’s an unnecessary display of power.” If the patient is on a table, Dr. Shore pulls up a chair to be on the same plane. If a patient is upset, he listens, then pulls the chair forward a bit to make the interaction more personal, “Not much because I don’t want to invade the patient’s space, but I want to be close enough that I can pat a hand if that would help.”
“A doctor can show authority by knowing your stuff and showing compassion—that’s all the authority needed.”
- Speaking in code:
“The field of medicine is complex enough without having to use terms that patients don’t understand. Speak in plain language. I guess the real issue is too many healthcare workers want to separate themselves from the patients. They see the patient as a body to cure, rather than as a multi-dimensional person who’s a partner in the battle for good health.”
Then he paused to say that many patients these days seem to know as much as the physicians because they do extensive Internet research. “Misinformed patients who are sure they understand their problems and know how to treat them, require time to be properly educated.” What he said reminded me of kids who think they need every toy advertised on TV.
- Diagnosis without even seeing the patient:
“I’ve often seen a group of doctors, residents, and interns standing outside a patient’s room. They all have computers and they pour over the patient’s records on them. The docs talk about the data, compare this situation to what they’ve seen or studied, and make a diagnosis. They enter that info into their computers, hand it off to an RN or PA, and then move on to the next room.
Dr. Shore was appalled at the procedure. “That poor patient is separated from his own medical care, doesn’t know what’s happening, and often becomes more ill because of fear and isolation. We all know part of healing comes from touch and interaction. In that situation only the clinical part of medicine is being practiced.”
I asked if there’s an answer to the dilemma given the demands on the healthcare industry. He said that would take another visiting time to answer, but one idea is to force healthcare workers to practice interpersonal skills during their schooling. “They should be taught about body language, eye contact, tone, cultural influences, how to ask questions, and listening. The stuff you do is as important to my practice as my knowledge of medicine.”
Know anyone at a medical/nursing/PA school who’d invite us in to work with their students?
Notes from Field: Listening Skills and Relationships
We saw a movie, “Not that Funny,” at the Denver Film Festival and I wish I could send you a clip about listening. Essentially, the protagonist wins the “girl,” not by what he thought would win her, his ability to make her laugh, but by his ability to listen. He even goes to a stand up comic, hoping to learn how to be funny for this woman. The comic gives him hints, but then, after spending time with the protagonist, says, “Man, you listen. No one in my life has ever listened to me like that. You really have the math right—one mouth and two ears.”
How often have you been gifted with a person who listens to you with full attention and appreciation? If the skill of deep listening is so revered and desired, how come being a good listener is not the norm, rather than a rare gift?
I can’t tell you how often people who have taken our webinars/workshop or have been coached by a certified practitioner, make it a point to say how much they’ve changed as a result. They tell us they’re more conscious about how they and others listen, what true listening looks like, and how to adapt their listening style to the way others listen.
That’s the best news for any skill development, that people absorb the learning and apply it to their relationships with others. Remember, the guy got the girl because he listened.
Join our campaign to make deep listening the norm.