Posts Tagged ‘cultural differences’
Listening in Tanzania—Notes from the field
The Maasai Chief (seated) listens to our safari tour members.
I just had the amazing privilege of going on safari to Tanzania. It was a trip of a lifetime for me, and filled with one eye-opener after another.
I’m always on the lookout for lessons in listening and many were gifted to me.
- The first night we were in the field, in a lovely comfortable tent at Lake Burundi, I fell into a deep sleep and never heard a thing. I was so disappointed in the morning when my fellow travelers asked who heard the hyenas, and I had not. Subsequently, I had to train myself to pay attention to night sounds that were unfamiliar to me. It didn’t take long for my brain to become perfectly capable of getting a good night’s sleep while remaining alert for animals.
- Our guides with encyclopedic knowledge of flora and fauna, and fluent in several languages including English, spoke with a lilting Tanzanian accent. At first I, with my compromised hearing, could barely understand what they were saying, and I desperately wanted to take in every word. I got better as I accustomed to their accents and tone, but continued to struggle when we were in the field on bumpy, bumpy roads. I ended up establishing a system of translators. My kind fellow travelers would listen to the guides and synthesize their messages. When I was a passenger in a particular vehicle, the guides knew to shorten their comments and also wait for the translator to share his message. I never so appreciated the role of the translator in creating clarity and understanding for both the speaker and the listener.
- Ah the Maasai. We visited a boma, village, and our tourist-women were paired with a Maasai sister. My partner Anna, not her Maasai name, and I communicated without a common language, other than both being women. I learned that Anna is a second wife, mother of two, pregnant, and beaded jewelry maker. She wrapped me in Maasai cloth, and without words showed me how to dance with her, carry wood on my head, add thatching to the roof of a hut, and patch walls with a mixture of dung and water. By the end of our morning together, we hugged, laughed, and felt a bond. (I’ll gladly send a link to a flickr video of some of our time together—just ask). The current chief is 89, so on June 1 he’s turning the title over to his son, one of his children from his six wives. This soon-to-be chief is a master of focus. He’s probably about 6’5”, stately and soft-spoken. He stood erect wrapped in slightly different cloth than the rest of the men in the boma, wore the ubiquitous sandals made from tires, and carried a pole like other Maasai men. He spoke to us through our lead guide, smiled, made warm eye-contact and used his growing English language skills to tell us about their lives and that things are changing for Maasai. The children are going to school through seventh grade, he’s against female circumcision, and they are beginning to grow crops to supplement their dependence upon cattle, their primary source of wealth.
He listened so carefully and thoughtfully that we, his audience, were transfixed. But so did his ancient father and mother, so did Anna and the other women, and so did the children in school. Their society seems to be built on collaboration, respect, and paying attention.
Overall, I learned that being open, focused, curious and without an agenda is the ideal way to listen and learn. I’m grateful for the opportunity to experience such wonderful teachers.
I hope the photo allows you to get a glimpse of how a Maasai leader comports himself.
Notes from the International Listening Association (ILA) Convention, March 22-24, 2012, Bremerton, WA
I’ve just returned from the ILA Convention in Bremerton, WA where I had the opportunity to learn about some fascinating research that expanded my knowledge of listening, and hopefully it will do the same for you. This post is part one of two of some of the take-aways from that conference.
It was quite an extended process to get to the convention—plane to Seattle, shuttle to the ferry terminal, hour ferry ride to Bremerton, and short walk to the convention center and hotel. Nevertheless, I’m very glad I attended because I heard some terrific presentations given by smart, smart people.
Graham Bodie and grad students from Louisiana State University
Supportive Listening
Question: What are the similarities and differences between a supportive person and a supportive listener?
Some findings:
- Supportive person is described in general, impressionistic terms such as: positive, intelligent
- Supportive listener described in specific, behavioral characteristics: involved in interaction, responds verbally
- Influencers on the relationship are
- non-verbal \immediacy (e.g. body language)
- verbal-immediacy (e.g. questions)
- Answer to question: How important is it to you that your relational partner is a good listener or good comforter, depends upon the importance you put upon it. Our level of satisfactions depends upon what we’re looking for in our relational partner to demonstrate.
Language Style Matching
Question: Does Language Style Matching (LSM) influence a relationship?
Some findings:
- Mimicry is automatic and mostly unconscious
- LSM is often used when people like one another
- LSM, use of emotional words, or cognitive (cause and effect) words didn’t make people feel better or worse. Or, nothing in particular made much of a difference
- But, negative emotional words and tentative words made people feel worse
- Major finding: We have expectations of listening behaviors, but they don’t matter much until they are NOT used. Then you’ll be considered a bad listener; however using them all won’t necessarily translate into your being considered a good listener.
Laura Janusik, Rockhurst Univeristy, Kansas City & Margarete Imhof, Gutenberg University, Mainz, Germany
Listening Construct Across Cultures
Question: What similarities and difference do three cultures exhibit in terms of conceptualizing listening? (Japanese, European, US American)
Some findings:
- Culture is communication and communication is culture
- Subjective listening concepts determine how/why one listens
- How one perceives listening could affect how one does listening
- Subjective concepts are culturally dependent
Metacognition
Question: Will we listen better if we think about it?
Some findings:
- There are three stages to metacognitive listening:
- Before: plan and set goals
- During: comprehend, aware of what’s happening in the moment
- After: reflect
- Bringing listening to consciousness increases likelihood of a positive interaction
Directed Learning
Question: What are some strategies that will enhance listening in the classroom/training room?
Strategies:
- All about connections
a. What do I already know about topic
b. What should I know that I don’t
c. Learning facilitator stops every 10-15 minutes to tell them to make connections between a and b
2. Voice Mirroring
a. Facilitator reads a script while the audience mirrors her words out loud
b. Initially, the facilitator faces the audience, then turns her back
c. Facilitator faces audience again but this time the audience silently mirrors the words inside their heads, and finally they close their eyes and mirror in silence
d. Technique brings yourself back on track to focus entirely on what the speaker is saying
3. Stop, Look, Summarize
a. Draw a line at the bottom of your page of notes
b. Periodically, put the information into your own words
c. Technique translates and summaries ideas into an understandable format
4. Big Picture, Little Picture
a. Look at details and tie them to the big picture
b. Look at big picture and tie them to details
c. Technique relates two extremes of thought process to one another
5. Think, Pair, Share
a. Write words/terms you don’t understand
b. Pair up to figure out meaning
c. Share with others who may/may not have figured out definitions
d. Technique uses group knowledge and reduces anxiety about not knowing what a word/term means. It’s particularly good for non-native speakers as well as for people from different functions/disciplines
6. Multi-Tasking is a Myth*
a. Can’t do two tasks even when tasks tap into same part of brain
b. Can’t do two switch tasks using different parts of brain
*If you don’t subscribe to this blog and you’d like a copy of the short exercise that demonstrates this strategy, sign up for the blog and we’ll gladly send it.
Balancing Speaking and Listening
My friend and colleague, Jessica Pena, sent me this management tip from Harvard Business Review, November 14, 2011 by Whitney Johnson:
Listening is a critical, often underutilized skill. But if listening is already your forte, you may need to do more talking. Speaking up is a good way to demonstrate your expertise and gain the confidence of those around you.
Many of us would be amazed that anyone might need to talk more since there’s so little skilled listening that occurs in many a workplace. But then, I bet we can picture meetings in which the same person sits throughout the entire time without uttering a word.
Alas, there’s no indication the person is listening, all we can observe is that the person isn’t talking. So this tip is excellent in that situation. The lack of talking can be interpreted as disinterest, ignorance, fear, slowness, unwillingness, shyness, unconfident, or even being a misfit.
I coached one brilliant, funny and non-verbal Asian, who, when I asked about her reticence to speak in a group, responded, “I grew up being told the duck that sticks out its neck is supper.” That’s pretty darn hard to overcome. We worked for months on techniques to gradually help her to engage. In the process, I discovered that she wasn’t such a great listener either because she was so petrified someone would ask her a question that she neither spoke nor listened.
As she became more comfortable speaking up, her listening acumen also sharpened, and visa versa.
What’s important about this management tip is to balance listening with speaking and talking with hearing. Neither should overwhelm the other. They are integral parts and in service of one another, and both require practice to master.
~ Become a Better Listener ~
Take the Hear! Hear? Your Listening Portfolio® Assessment NOW!
Review of The SOLER Model
I recently received an email from an individual who attended a conference where I spoke asking me if the SOLER model would be good to use with his staff. I answered that I have no idea what that model is, don’t want to be put on the spot of evaluating someone else’s work, and believe any efforts towards better listening is a positive sign.
The emailer wasn’t satisfied, “After I heard you speak at the conference, and after I took Hear! Hear?® [the listening assessment we designed], I think this model is too simplistic. That’s why I want your opinion.”
I agreed to look at the model, without learning the developer’s name lest I might seem swayed one way or the other by a personal connection. Actually, I know only a few people in the International Listening Association (ILA), some neuroscientists, and people whose research I follow; but I wouldn’t want to offend or overly praise someone rather than the work.
Following is the model. It’s straightforward, simple, and somewhat easy to remember (ROLES would be even easier and more connected to the subject):
Square – facing the other person, not facing someone else or talking over your shoulder
Open – open posture, not crossed arms, crossed legs, face hidden in hand
Leaning – leaning slightly forwards, not leaning back or slouching
Eyes – good eye contact, not avoiding the other person’s eye, but not staring without blinking either! In some cultures making eye contact with someone you don’t know may be considered rude; find out about the person’s culture if you don’t know.
Relaxed – natural, not fidgeting, fiddling with objects, or being tensed up (e.g. tight, raised shoulders)
After I saw the model, I asked the emailer about his reservations about it. He said, “From what I know about the four types of listening habits that you present, not all of them would actually follow the model, especially Inner-Personal Listeners. And not all cultures are comfortable engaging in these ways; all, not just eye contact. Am I on the right track?”
I congratulated him on his astute observations and agreed with them. This model, like active listening, works well for Extra-Personal Listeners. They do listen for meaning for and impact on others, so it’s natural for them to use body language to connect with others.
For people with the other three listening habits, the hints in this model won’t resonate. For example, Problem-Solving Listeners rarely use Open. Their posture is much like Rodin’s The Thinker. They often look pained when they listen because they’re concentrating. Telling Problem-Solvers to look more open will most probably change their focus and the opposite of truly listening will occur.
“Thanks, I guess I won’t give this SOLER model to everyone as a blanket set of rules. Will you help me create three more for the other habits?
“You have a good grasp of the habits. How about you take a stab at it, and I’ll comment?”
From now on, we’ll spend more time on Body Language when certifying people to become Listening Impact Practitioners.
I Dare You!
If you’ve never gone to the Harvard Implicit site to take one of their many tests, you are missing an opportunity to learn about yourself, or at least, confirm what you already know or suspect.
All the tests I’ve seen are set up similarly, so after you take one or two, others might seem redundant. The power is not in the process, but the content; so ignore how the tests are set up, and pay attention to your responses.
Note that I got confused on one of the tests I took last night and I did not receive any results because there were too many mistakes. Make sure you understand the instructions before proceeding.
The first time I came across this site was when I attended a diversity conference and one of the speakers had us take one of the many tests to open our eyes about what kind and degree of biases we held. She made it clear that we all have prejudices and act on them, often unconsciously. The point of taking the test(s) was to develop awareness of our biases, manage our biases, and develop cultural competence.
The results were memorable and prompted the majority of attendees to want to talk about diversity at a much deeper level than when they walked in the door.
I know that there’s a strong correlation between our biases and listening. If, for any reason, conscious or unconscious, the speaker triggers a prejudice, that directly influences how attentive we are to that person. I wonder how seriously a listener who tells dumb blonde jokes takes the information delivered by a Marilyn Monroe look-alike?
Case in point. Many moons ago I ran a learning center at a college and we had a tutoring program. The faculty was very good at recruiting student tutors who met our criteria. A professor said he was sending over the top student in all of his science classes. About fifteen minutes later a beautiful young woman with curly blonde hair piled on top of her head, wearing knee-hi boots and rather seductive-looking clothing came to my desk.
As was customary, I asked how I could help her, I’m sure in a somewhat patronizing tone. As I started to reach for a tutoring request form, she introduced herself and said Professor Jennings suggested she come talk to me about becoming a tutor. Her favorite subject was physics, but she felt confident she could help students with most science subjects. She probably accounted for 25% of our tutoring load with great success for those students who looked past her looks and listened to her brilliance.
Let us know, if you are comfortable, what tests you took and how what you learned about yourself influences your listening.
Harvard University’s Implicit Association Test, which gauges prejudicial attitudes or beliefs about certain groups of people:
Is Listening a Social Activity?
The quick answer is, yes. The more accurate answer is, it varies according to style.
David Brooks, writing “The Social Animal” in the January 17, 2011 issue of The New Yorker, says:
“There’s a debate in our culture about what really makes us happy… Research over the past thirty years makes it clear that what the inner mind really wants is connection…Joining a group that meets just once a month produces the same increase in happiness as doubling your income.”
That’s powerful affirmation for YPO, Vistage and TED groups for example.
So, if what the mind craves is connection, how do the four (4) listening habits provide it given the differences in the four habits?
Let’s begin at looking at how socialization varies for each of the four (4) habits.
Inner-Personal listeners want to know the relevance of the information to them. They listen to connect the information to what they know and are interested in. In a work setting, that listener will connect to the person who has something worthwhile, in his opinion, to say.
I often attend the Boulder/Denver NewTech Meetup, not because I know much about new technology, but because I’m fascinated by the creativity in the room. The assembled group is a perfect example Brook’s hypothesis. They meet once per month to a sold out registration, talk in code, ask probing questions, come early to talk in loud, excited voices, and linger afterwards. In another setting, these mostly Inner-Personal listeners, might not interact at all with others and would spend their time inside their heads thinking about their interests while others label them as non-social.
Extra-Personal listeners want to know the relevance of the information to others. They listen to connect the information to how it pertains to the needs of others. In a work setting, those listeners will share what they’ve learned with others. They can be teachers and mentors or gossips because for them, knowledge is a connection commodity.
My partner, an educator, is both a voracious learner and very social. He uses what he’s reading or experiencing in his interactions. I’m often amazed at the conversations he gets into with total strangers about subjects it’s hard to imagine they’re both interested in, but they do seem to find common ground.
Problem-Solving listeners want to know the relevance of the information to a problem they are thinking about or working on. They listen to connect the information to their pathway towards getting to a right solution.
I recently conducted a session with a group of predominantly Problem-Solving engineers. They began sitting alone, not interacting with one another or me, and with heads in gadgets. As soon as I posted the group results from Hear! Hear? Your Listening Portfolio® and asked them to identify patterns and themes in their listening habits, they came alive. They moved closer to one another, pointed to the chart, asked one another and me questions, spoke up, and laughed at their similarity.
Conceptualizing listeners want to know how they can add ideas to what’s being presented. They listen to connect the information to everything and anything. Of the four habits, they are assumed to be the most social. Now we know that is not the case, but they make it easiest to detect. What they hear often gets translated into lots of new ideas that they just have to share.
They are the people who get others enthused about possibilities and options. I have a long-term friendship with a leader who was once on a team I coached. When he listens, he inevitably absorbs the information, generates ideas about how it can be used, and gathers others who want to come on board.
One problem I have with traditional Team Building activities is they are undifferentiated and assume one-size-will fit all.
If we accept David Brook’s research, then it’s important to allow people to work according to their varied social needs, and to listen for what has meaning to others.
Intelligence about Assessment Instruments
On January 26, 2011 I participated in an excellent webinar conducted by Ann Herrmann Nehdi on the topic of Assessment Instruments. Ann is CEO of Herrmann International, the company that provides the Herrmann Brain Dominance Instrument (HBDI). She was joined by very knowledgeable guest panelists.
The panelists had so many superb points to make that I don’t feel it appropriate to repeat everything they presented. Thus, I’m going to select some highlights:
Overall for all panelists:
- A variety of instruments are best used to provide a total picture because no one instrument can capture the complexity of human behavior.
- An assessment instrument is personalized and can lead to self-discovery.
- Assessment instruments are levers for personal growth
From the presentation of Tom Boldrey, Professor Emeritus from Eastern Illinois University:
Factors to determine instrument(s) selection:
- Purpose of engagement—what does the client want to achieve?
- Client request—what needs does the client articulate?
- Scope and length of the engagement—where does the instrument fit in?
- Participant readiness—is the client open to learn from the instrument?
- Situational context—what’s going on in the person/organization that the instrument might highlight or explain?
He went on to relate Dr. Carl Jung’s Psychological Type Theory to the development of the MBTI, its inter-relationship to the HBDI, and to other assessments. Some of Dr. Jung’s crucial considerations for all assessment instruments:
- Preferences are innate; that is, we have inborn predispositions
- Predispositions are influenced by experiences
- Preferences are used in varying degrees
- Life provides opportunities to develop
Of course, while I was rapt in attention by his presentation, I thought about the application to my own instrument, Hear! Hear? Your Listening Portfolioâ. It exemplifies all of Drs. Jung’s and Boldrey’s points. Hear! Hear? is descriptive, not prescriptive; does not label the taker; supports and complements other assessments; has high face validity (just ask anyone who’s taken it); and is immediately actionable.
If you’d like to now more about the HBDI or more about the webinar presentations, go to www.hbdi.com
Habits and Traits Show up Everywhere, Including Blogs
Today I read some very interesting research results.
Basically, the researcher says that it is possible to tell personality traits from the words used when writing blogs. Following is the information, followed by my additional thoughts:
Posts about dancing, drinking and restaurants could hint you’re an extrovert
Newly released findings from Tal Yarkoni, a CU psychology and neuroscience postdoctoral fellow, also debunk the idea that people can maintain distinctly different offline and online personalities.
“Our personalities don’t dramatically change just because we’ve turned on our computers,” he said. The research was published in the Journal of Research in Personality
Top five words used by personality traits:
1. Neurotic (sensitive and nervous): “Awful,” “though [sic],” “lazy,” “worse” and “depressing.”
2. Extroverted (outgoing and energetic): “Bar,” “other,” “drinks,” “restaurant” and “dancing.”
3. Open (inventive and curious): “folk,” “humans,” “of,” “poet” and “art.”
4. Agreeable (friendly and compassionate): “wonderful,” “together,” “visiting,” “morning” and “spring.”
5. Conscientious (organized and efficient): “completed,” “adventure,” “stupid,” “boring” and “adventures.”
Source: University of Colorado
Read more:
CU-Boulder study: Word choice in blogs reveals personality traits – Boulder Daily Camera, http://www.dailycamera.com/ci_17060109#ixzz1AksZExXv; DailyCamera.com. By Brittany Anas Camera StaffWriter, Posted: 01/10/2011 08:04:29 PM MST
While I would never try to conduct the same kind of research for listening, I found Dr. Yarkoni’s thesis to validate our work on listening habits.
- We do have preferences
- Preferences become habits that we rely upon
- Language signals habit
- We tend to stick to habits even when the context changes
- We’re often clueless about our habits
- Learning how we come across can provide us with greater control over how we are perceived
More on Listening Blocks: Judging
When I think of the many denotations and connotations of the word, Judge, I see how complex it is.
For example, my brother is a Federal Magistrate, a judge, and he makes a lot of effort to refrain from being judgmental. He listens to the law in the case and does not let personal judgment color his opinions. Yet, his job is to judge.
He, like most of us, must use judgment in life. I watch my young grandchildren grapple with its development—“If I hit my sibling and don’t get caught, then is it OK? If I eat nothing but what I like, then will I grow to be big and strong?” No parent or teacher can provide all the answers. No legislation can govern morals. Individuals, courts, and nations must live by sound judgment.
But that’s a far cry from being judgmental. I’m a 100% supporter of my tender grandkids, even though I do not always support their behavior. I do judge their behavior by standards that I set, but I do not judge their worthiness according to those standards.
So it is with listening. In my opinion, it is not possible to be an open-listener and judgmental at the same time. Being judgmental puts a negative label on the speaker or information, which blocks communication.
Sadly, the world is rife with examples from psychology to experience to knowledge to prejudice. What tends to happen is the supposed-listener, instead of taking in information, has a knee-jerk reaction and shuts down, leaving behind most of what was said.
How do we deal with such a pernicious and powerful block? Foremost is to be strong and open enough to recognize your judgment. Let’s look at this scenario: I’m invited to a lecture on a subject I know well. Even before the speaker has ascended the podium, I look at the handouts and say to myself, “This is old research. I’ve known about these citations for several years.” I’ve judged the presentation before it even began. What might I have missed? Maybe this handout was to show the baseline research that the speaker used to begin work on the subject matter.
Another judgment at the same event: The speaker has an accent. A judgmental person could think, “How can someone give an address when s/he doesn’t even speak properly?” Or the equipment fails. A judgmental person could think, “How good will the presentation be if the equipment isn’t even working? Poor preparation.” Or the presenter is a movie star, rolls in in a wheel chair, looks like your least-admired professor, is wearing flamboyant clothing, and on and on. It doesn’t take much for a judgmental person to be triggered.
For that person to stop being judgmental s/he must ask about the purpose of the interaction, what s/he gets out of being judgmental, or what s/he might miss by not being open.
In the above scenario, the attendee who dismisses the handout as old research might have a need to be seen as the expert; therefore, making it impossible to learn from someone else. Or as long-ago as it might be, the presenter could look like a disliked professor thus triggering the listener to shut down. The listener has the power to look judgment in the eye and decide to loosen its grip.
The point of judging as a listener is to discover when it serves you and when it’s a hindrance. If it’s a hindrance, recognize you’re judging, listen for what is being said (as factually as possible), and ask yourself what it is you can learn.
How to Achieve Verbal Symmetry
I’m not sure I have the answer, even though I’ve been helping people communicate better for over two decades.
I’d love some additions to my top-of-mind list of hints.
- Listen to the words another person uses. We signal preferences every time we open our mouths. For example, a problem-solving listener might say, “Seems to me the answer to the problem is….,” while an extra-personal listener might say, under the same circumstances, “We need to take the impact on others into consideration.” If you use words that fit the other person’s preference, it is more likely you’ll be heard. Matching your customers can boost sales. When a waiter repeats a customer’s order, rather than simply saying ‘yes’ and writing it down, the tip increases by 70%.
- Streamline your message. One of my best mentors was John Humphrey, then President of The Forum Corporation. When I’d go into his office brimming with ideas, he’d say to me, “Three clear points. ” I needed to focus my thinking and language, otherwise I was all over the map, making it impossible for John to align his thinking with mine.
- Be consistent in your own language. I have a dear friend, Dana Meyer, who is a master punster. When we’re together I look forward to his quick wit because his puns are signs he’s been listening and they add meaning to the conversation. But, if I tried to be a punster, it wouldn’t work because I don’t talk in that format. People with whom you often communicate develop an expectation around how you talk and how they listen to you.
- Coordinate words and non-verbals. For the moment, assume everyone in the room is a non-native English speaker, plus no two people speak the same language. Your job is to tell them your company’s safety rules. How would you accomplish that important task? You’d probably use gestures, demonstration, simple words, and repetition. I’ve often told presenters to look in the mirror and give their speech to see if their message and image are the same. If not, non-verbals will win over and the message will either be misinterpreted or forgotten (or both).
What else would you say achieves verbal symmetry?