A Listening Formula with a Twist
I certainly did not invent the following formula for attentive listening, and I don’t know where to give credit either. Regardless, it’s a very nice four-step process to remember:
Receive, Appreciate, Summarize, Ask
It works as a general rule of thumb. The twist though is when you throw listening habits into the mix. Each of the four habits will respond differently to a step in the process.
For example an Inner-personal listener will receive information if it has personal value and ignore other kinds of information, let’s say that which would be of interest to a Problem-solving listener. While the Inner-personal listener might be very well-intended, but unaware of his listening habits, he’d gloss over the facts and details that would appeal to a Problem-solving listener. Furthermore, he probably wouldn’t be aware that had occurred. The outcome: limited reception.
A listener must learn to Appreciate that there are different listening habits and preferences before she can accept the variety in styles. If we continue with two different listeners from above, the Problem-solving listener will appreciate it if the Inner-personal listener picks up on all the details in the interaction because that would mean they are on the same wave-length (or have synchronized mirror neurons). However, when that doesn’t happen, the outcome is antipathy rather than appreciation.
I’m sure you’re getting the drift: Listening is not formulaic; it is a highly individualized activity that requires awareness, knowledge, and intent. While it’s very good to have a process like Receive, Appreciate, Summarize, Ask in your head as you interact with others, you must also remember to tailor each step to the styles of others.
