Is Listening a Sixth Sense? Defining Your Listening Skills
Have you ever gone into a room in which there were a lot of people, many talking at once, and you home in on one person or one conversation ignoring all the rest? Or have you ever found yourself communicating with someone at such a deep level that you seem to have some sort of otherworldly connection? Or have you ever felt someone looking at you trying to make a connection?
I’ve experienced both and often wondered how that happens. While I was in the waiting room of my massage therapist, I picked up the latest issue of Psychology Today (July/August, 20012). The feature article was “Sixth Sense.” On the first page (p 52) the author said that visceral change may give the impression of a transfer of energy. That finding would coincide with the situations outlined above.
The author goes on to say that when you bend/lean/turn towards the other person your movement draws that person’s attention, thus confirming your suspicion that you and the other person have some sort of psychic connection.
In the first scenario above, the person who draws me in may have a loud voice, unusual speech pattern, engaging gestures, intriguing accent, reminiscent phrasing, or is talking about something I’m interested in. Something stimulated my Reticular Activation System (RAT) that caused me to isolate other conversation and focus attention to one interaction, even though I might not have had any awareness that was happening.
When we’ve administered Hear! Hear? Your Listening Portfolio to a group, I watch people as they enter a room, self-select work groups, choose a seat, and chat informally. It doesn’t take long for people to sort into listening styles. People migrate to others like them. It’s so much easier to converse with someone who listens for the same things as you do and who asks the very questions that are on your tongue than to try to talk to someone with whom you don’t jive.
That’s not a sixth sense, it’s a well developed habit honed in our brains, bodies and emotions that guide us towards who/what’s most comfortable to listen to. So, in the second scenario, it’s much more likely that two simpatico listeners will have deep conversations than two people who hear very different things from one another. Listening opposites usually don’t attract.
Listening isn’t woo-woo, it’s a conscious, hard won skill.
