The Golden Rule Doesn’t Apply to Listening
From the time we’re little kids the Golden Rule is recited to us as the model for how to behave:
Do Unto Others as You Would Have Them Do Unto You
I can still recall an elementary school teacher, probably in third or fourth grade, making us write it over and over to practice penmanship (remember when penmanship was a line item on your report card?). I’m not sure I understood what it meant in the grand scheme of things, but I was sure it meant I was supposed to be nice to everyone.
As I became involved in the world of true listening, it dawned on me that The Golden Rule does not describe the best way to listen. In fact, it might be the worst way to listen. When we listen to others through our own filters and habits, we’re not open to how they take in information and what they’re interested in. The Golden Rule for listening might better be:
Listen to Others as They Want
When we look at the four Listening Habits, it’s obvious there’s disparity among them.
Inner-personal listeners want you to focus your messages on what will be personally meaningful to them. They aren’t too interested in what matters to you. They’re trying to learn from you so they can expand their knowledge and experience.
Extra-personal listeners want you to focus your messages on what will be meaningful to others. They’re trying to uncover the relevance of your information for other people or processes.
Problem-solving listeners want you to focus your messages on an issue they care about and include lots of facts and details. They’re trying to gather accurate information to support their decision-making
Conceptualizing listeners want you to focus your messages on possible options and alternatives. They’re trying to generate ideas to develop innovative ideas about the subject at hand.
The Listening Golden Rule requires you to:
- remain silent and observant to determine how others listen
- ask questions that echo the kinds of words and body language the listeners display
- tailor your listening to what matters to others
Be a generous and respectful Golden Rule Listener.
